How to Have Healthier Arguments, According to Psychologists

Relationships will inevitably lead to conflict. It needn't be painful or cold-hearted, though. Psychologists claim that even when any couple fights or disagrees with each other, they can still be kind to one another and respect one another. According to experts, conflict can be a chance for progress despite what you may believe. Contrary to popular belief, a successful relationship must not be conflict-free.

Arguing shows that you have a strong emotional attachment to the other person. Those who don't care about you won't conflict with you. People view conflict as a stimulus for positive progress rather than an obstacle to avoid in successful relationships, whether platonic friendships or romantic partnerships with loved ones. When two individuals disagree, it allows them to develop and learn more about one another. Instead of viewing conflict as something to be avoided, viewing it as a spark is preferable.

In this article, we will provide you with tips and advice to have a healthier argument next time you do so. These suggestions are inappropriate in abusive relationships, wherein disagreement is essentially upsetting or toxic.

Points to Remember!

Respect Must Come First

Respectfully approach your argumentative partner or another party. Every one of us has a unique set of life experiences that have shaped how we react to certain things and how uneasy certain types of debates make us feel. Establishing limits can help you have more fruitful disagreements because it increases the likelihood that the conversation will remain constructive. For example, you might agree to refrain from using poisonous words, such as calling someone names. Furthermore, even when you don't agree with them, it's a means of acknowledging the other person.

But be accommodating. Understand that it's difficult to communicate clearly when you're feeling emotional.

Bring Your Best Thoughts

Refrain from rendering an early verdict on the discussion. Putting your ego and what you believe to be true and right out of the way to achieve this. Whenever your partner confides in you with criticism or concern, pay close attention to what they say.

Determine the Root Pain Points

Research suggests giving yourself time to reflect if you are in the same conflict often. What is going on with me, you question yourself. How is the other person's situation?

As a result of past trauma, such as from something that happened in their early marriages, even long-married couples frequently rehash a particular argument. That just doesn't mean your relationship partner shouldn't strive to avoid situations that make you uncomfortable or that your feelings aren't legitimate. Nevertheless, knowing when the argument isn't actually about just what your companion is doing helps make those arguments less emotionally charged, which increases the likelihood that you will be able to agree.

Requests Should Be Made Rather Than Complaints

"You always" is a common opening phrase in arguments. People are quick to level accusations instead of just requesting their partner to perform a task they would prefer to them doing, like doing the laundry or cleaning the dishes, or cleaning the room.

"Due to how you request your requests, you are not receiving what you want. People find it simpler to inquire about the reason for their partner's non-action than to make a request merely.

"I don't feel fantastic," you say. "Because of how the house appears, I'm under pressure. Could you please pick up a few things?" seems clearer and more polite than criticizing a family member for not meeting your needs. Also, your companion is more likely to finish the task if you do it.

Discover How To Apologize To Your Partner Properly

We all have distinct languages for saying "I'm sorry," just like everyone has a different kind of love language. Acknowledging that you have wronged your cherished person and should apologize is not sufficient. You must relate to them well enough to customize your apologies.

Some people like grand gestures, while others simply desire an "I am truly sorry I offended you, and I promise to make efforts to ensure that does not happen again" apology. Discovering what means something to your partner is the approach.

Express Your Emotions

start with how you're feeling. Attempt to be as unbiased as possible with the facts. Then, state what you require or want to see from the other side to address the issue.

Keep In Mind That You Are A Part Of The Same Team

It's the reason you're arguing with the other side rather than just disregarding the issue in the first place. Thus, refrain from making assumptions about malicious intent.

If Things Become Too Hot, Use the Brake Pedal

Put the conflict on hold, and then return to it without feeling awkward. For instance, you always argue as you rush through the front door in the morning. When you're already exhausted, fifteen minutes before bedtime may not be the best moment to try to resolve a dispute. Choose a time for discussing the issue that will work for the two of you, and do so then.

Don’t Give Up

Don't abandon a dispute simply because it gets emotional or difficult. If you require a time-out or don't have enough time to address the problem as it arises, it's acceptable to take a break. That will show back again if you completely ignore it, though. What role do I have in all of this? Take a moment to reflect on what first made you angry. Why do you think you're in this debate? Why did you become upset? It's easier to locate possibilities for growth as an individual if you can identify what concerns you.

Do Not Allow Contempt to Damage Your Relationship

A painful emotional stab that damages one's fears and sensitivity is contempt, which indicates superiority. Hurtful remarks that block the path to reconciliation are a common way that hatred is expressed. These remarks might accurately reflect your perspective and be freeing to say, but they are an emotional poison that alienates those who come in contact with it. The best defense against contempt is to cultivate a culture of respect and appreciation in your relationship. You may also combat hate by being open and honest about your wants and emotions without taking a dominant stance.


There are no perfect partnerships. I once heard that choosing a partner entails committing to a particular set of issues you are ready to confront. We used to believe that to fix a relationship and get it back on track, we needed to assist couples in resolving their issues. Studies show that about 70% of relationship disagreements are merely perceptions without real-world resolutions. And when we start to dissect these individual variations, we start to see that the existential roots of each person are made up of deeply ingrained meaning systems.

That being the case, a fight over wealth may not be about wealth, it seems: to one partner, it could be about accessibility to liberty when things got tough, and to the other companion, wealth may bring a feeling of stability in a society full of unpredictability. Remember to hold each other during disagreements gently and to reaffirm your love and devotion to one another.

Updated on: 13-Apr-2023


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